1
00:00:01,156 --> 00:00:06,093
- Um, pardon me, would it be a bother...?
- Go away.
2
00:00:06,661 --> 00:00:09,425
I'm sorry, it's just that
I'm involved in the next case...
3
00:00:09,597 --> 00:00:13,533
...and I was wondering if there was
anything I should know before it starts.
4
00:00:13,702 --> 00:00:16,330
Yes, you have what appears to be
a bushel of spinach...
5
00:00:16,504 --> 00:00:19,234
...wedged between your two front teeth.
6
00:00:19,774 --> 00:00:21,765
Whoops. Heh-heh.
7
00:00:22,277 --> 00:00:26,008
That's always happening with this thing.
8
00:00:28,650 --> 00:00:31,448
That's the Yogi Berra model, isn't it?
9
00:00:33,355 --> 00:00:36,153
- Lf you'll excuse me, Mrs?
- Oh, Douglas.
10
00:00:36,324 --> 00:00:40,226
- But it's Miss, I'm single.
- Did I mention my war wound?
11
00:00:41,763 --> 00:00:43,731
All rise.
12
00:00:43,898 --> 00:00:47,664
Criminal court part two,
city of New York, is now in session.
13
00:00:47,836 --> 00:00:51,863
The Honorable Harold T. Stone
running things.
14
00:00:53,174 --> 00:00:56,940
- Running things?
- I'm on a variety kick.
15
00:00:57,512 --> 00:01:00,345
You may be perched.
16
00:01:02,050 --> 00:01:05,417
First case, Your Honor.
People v. Wilbur Posten.
17
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:06,713
Assault.
18
00:01:06,888 --> 00:01:12,417
Allegedly hit Mr. Mervyn Jenkins,
a limousine driver, with a horse whip.
19
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:16,587
Ah, spare the rod,
spoil the chauffeur, eh, Mr. Posten?
20
00:01:17,032 --> 00:01:20,866
- Do I have to laugh?
- Legally, no.
21
00:01:21,036 --> 00:01:23,971
Mr. Jenkins was driving a limousine
down Central Park West...
22
00:01:24,139 --> 00:01:26,437
...when Mr. Posten
and his horse-drawn carriage...
23
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,599
...failed to make it through
a yellow light.
24
00:01:29,010 --> 00:01:32,377
I assaulted the man all right,
but he killed my Buttermilk.
25
00:01:32,547 --> 00:01:36,483
And you know something,
she would have been 20, uh...
26
00:01:36,651 --> 00:01:40,678
Let's see, one, two, three.
27
00:01:40,855 --> 00:01:43,949
She would have been 24 in the spring.
28
00:01:44,592 --> 00:01:46,992
Did you ever consider retiring her,
Mr. Posten?
29
00:01:47,162 --> 00:01:51,064
No. My Buttermilk didn't know
the meaning of the word quit.
30
00:01:51,232 --> 00:01:55,100
Apparently, "whoa" was left out
of her repertoire as well.
31
00:01:55,270 --> 00:01:58,899
Your Honor, may I come forward?
32
00:01:59,074 --> 00:02:00,871
If it's relevant to the case.
33
00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:03,307
Oh.
34
00:02:04,612 --> 00:02:07,581
My employer, Your Honor.
Miss Patty Douglas.
35
00:02:07,749 --> 00:02:09,512
The Patty Douglas?
36
00:02:10,018 --> 00:02:12,782
The Patty Douglas whose father
owns 28 shopping centers...
37
00:02:12,954 --> 00:02:16,412
...62 hotels and a small town in Ohio?
38
00:02:16,591 --> 00:02:19,492
Yes, sir. That's the heir to $40 million.
39
00:02:21,029 --> 00:02:24,123
Lying sprawled all over the floor there.
40
00:02:24,799 --> 00:02:28,064
- I thought of something that might help.
- You did?
41
00:02:29,504 --> 00:02:32,302
Listen, I feel so sorry about your horse.
42
00:02:32,474 --> 00:02:34,772
I was wondering
if it might make things better...
43
00:02:34,943 --> 00:02:37,309
...if I gave you another one
out of our stables?
44
00:02:39,047 --> 00:02:41,811
- Well...
- I'll make it a racing thoroughbred.
45
00:02:41,983 --> 00:02:44,076
You can call him Mr. Lucky.
46
00:02:44,886 --> 00:02:47,582
- It's a gelding.
- Scratch that.
47
00:02:50,291 --> 00:02:52,782
Lady, you got a deal.
48
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:56,255
Fine. What about the charges,
Mr. Jenkins?
49
00:02:56,431 --> 00:02:58,228
Oh, well. We can forget about those.
50
00:02:58,399 --> 00:03:00,697
- Can't we, Jenkins?
- Oh, yes.
51
00:03:00,869 --> 00:03:04,305
I'm sure the flogging
was just all in good fun.
52
00:03:04,472 --> 00:03:07,134
Terrific. Case dismissed.
53
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:13,237
- Miss Douglas.
Yes?
54
00:03:13,414 --> 00:03:14,904
About that war wound...
55
00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:18,712
- Oh, yes.
- It's all the way down at my ankle.
56
00:03:20,622 --> 00:03:24,319
Pity leash laws don't apply to men.
57
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,220
Actually, I think Dan's showing
a little more restraint than usual.
58
00:03:28,396 --> 00:03:32,958
Sure, five whole seconds
and we haven't seen his tongue.
59
00:03:37,972 --> 00:03:39,564
She asked me out to dinner.
60
00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,675
- Are you gonna go?
- No.
61
00:03:42,143 --> 00:03:46,603
She's a graceless social error.
She'd be a public embarrassment.
62
00:03:46,781 --> 00:03:48,408
- You'll take her to your place.
- Yes.
63
00:04:36,898 --> 00:04:42,803
So the porpoise said,
"What? And lose my Diners Club card?"
64
00:04:45,139 --> 00:04:46,629
That's the joke.
65
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:48,608
Ah, so it is.
66
00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:55,010
Sometimes I even make myself laugh.
67
00:04:57,785 --> 00:05:01,050
Maybe you should swallow
the cottage cheese first.
68
00:05:03,891 --> 00:05:06,291
Boy, it is so obvious
what he's doing with her.
69
00:05:06,461 --> 00:05:08,156
Yeah.
70
00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:10,061
What?
71
00:05:10,732 --> 00:05:16,534
Bull, Dan is flat broke,
Patty has $40 million.
72
00:05:16,704 --> 00:05:19,332
You figure it out for yourself.
73
00:05:21,276 --> 00:05:24,404
He's gonna stick her
with the check, isn't he?
74
00:05:26,180 --> 00:05:29,547
This may require visual aids.
75
00:05:31,753 --> 00:05:35,189
Well, Patty, you're getting to be
quite a regular around here, aren't you?
76
00:05:35,356 --> 00:05:37,324
- What is it? About two weeks now?
- Mm-hm.
77
00:05:37,725 --> 00:05:41,684
Well, Dan just can't stand
to be away from me...
78
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:46,391
...and I can't resist my little monkey.
79
00:05:48,136 --> 00:05:50,900
An affectionate term
referring to my playful attitude.
80
00:05:51,072 --> 00:05:54,508
Actually, it's that little eek-eek sound
you make when we...
81
00:05:54,676 --> 00:05:56,576
Well, yeah, right.
82
00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:02,876
Oh, would you look?
Harry's food is getting all cold.
83
00:06:04,419 --> 00:06:06,853
By golly, you're right. See you later.
84
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,552
Cute couple, huh?
85
00:06:11,726 --> 00:06:13,785
Don't tell me you approve
of what he's doing.
86
00:06:13,961 --> 00:06:15,155
What, eating lunch?
87
00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:17,491
There's more, Harry.
88
00:06:17,665 --> 00:06:19,428
Think check.
89
00:06:21,002 --> 00:06:23,493
I mean, the way he is manipulating
her affections.
90
00:06:23,671 --> 00:06:26,731
You know he would not be
seen with her if she wasn't so rich.
91
00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:30,036
Oh, I'm not so sure
Dan is just after her money.
92
00:06:30,211 --> 00:06:32,805
Maybe he's attracted
to the way she dresses.
93
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:35,608
Or the way she smiles all the time.
94
00:06:35,783 --> 00:06:39,947
Or the way tartar sauce
dribbles down her chin.
95
00:06:43,358 --> 00:06:46,589
Kind of puts money back on top,
doesn't it, sir?
96
00:06:49,497 --> 00:06:52,364
All right, that's it for the warrants.
Let's get started.
97
00:06:52,533 --> 00:06:56,731
Oh, Dan, you are such a scream.
98
00:06:56,904 --> 00:07:00,567
Listen, I think you're exceeding
the state noise pollution levels.
99
00:07:02,276 --> 00:07:05,336
Have I told you
how much I love your eyes?
100
00:07:05,513 --> 00:07:07,344
And your nose.
101
00:07:07,515 --> 00:07:11,576
The way it just sort of leads
all the way down to your mouth.
102
00:07:11,753 --> 00:07:15,280
I love your mouth. Have I told you
how much I love your mouth?
103
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:17,390
Yes.
104
00:07:17,558 --> 00:07:19,822
Would you sit down? I gotta go to work.
105
00:07:19,994 --> 00:07:21,484
- Okay.
- Come on.
106
00:07:24,298 --> 00:07:28,632
Dan, aren't you forgetting something?
107
00:07:29,871 --> 00:07:33,398
Yes. Phil, Patty, Patty, Phil.
108
00:07:37,445 --> 00:07:40,141
I apologize for being late.
It won't happen again, I was...
109
00:07:40,314 --> 00:07:42,544
Having your face immortalized?
110
00:07:43,317 --> 00:07:46,150
Let's be thankful she stopped there.
111
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,686
Let's. Mac?
112
00:07:49,190 --> 00:07:52,023
First case, Your Honor,
People v. Candy Kane.
113
00:07:52,493 --> 00:07:54,620
Solicitation for prostitution.
114
00:07:54,796 --> 00:07:57,560
Defense pleads guilty,
request usual fine and time served.
115
00:07:57,732 --> 00:07:59,529
Does the state have any objection?
116
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:02,191
Why should I?
I know what I'm getting into.
117
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,803
That question again?
118
00:08:08,543 --> 00:08:09,840
Read my lips, Dan.
119
00:08:10,011 --> 00:08:13,378
Does the state object to fine
and time served?
120
00:08:13,548 --> 00:08:15,379
Well, no. You think I should? I mean...
121
00:08:15,550 --> 00:08:17,541
...it is when you think of it
my decision...
122
00:08:17,718 --> 00:08:20,846
Why don't I just check these notes?
Because I'm not sure.
123
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:24,924
I'll take that as a no.
Fifty-dollar fine and time served.
124
00:08:26,861 --> 00:08:29,455
Dan? Dan.
125
00:08:30,164 --> 00:08:33,361
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
126
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:38,866
What's on my mind is a very personal
and private matter...
127
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,339
...and with all due respect,
none of the court's business.
128
00:08:42,510 --> 00:08:45,274
He and Patty are getting married.
129
00:08:47,615 --> 00:08:50,607
I've never been good with secrets.
130
00:08:58,526 --> 00:08:59,993
- You ordered champagne?
- Yeah.
131
00:09:00,161 --> 00:09:02,925
- He's getting married.
- Congratulations.
132
00:09:04,198 --> 00:09:08,259
- Go away or I'll kill you.
- Got it.
133
00:09:08,769 --> 00:09:12,261
Look, screw top for easy removal.
134
00:09:13,708 --> 00:09:14,868
Dan, are you okay?
135
00:09:15,476 --> 00:09:18,172
- I can barely eat anymore.
- That's because you're nervous.
136
00:09:18,713 --> 00:09:21,307
That's because she takes
all the food off my plate.
137
00:09:22,316 --> 00:09:26,685
- Hey, there's the lucky groom.
- Yeah, hey.
138
00:09:26,854 --> 00:09:29,687
Let the good times roll.
139
00:09:30,424 --> 00:09:32,984
Hi, Dan. We just wanted to come by
and congratulate you.
140
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,220
And here's a little something
for the occasion.
141
00:09:36,397 --> 00:09:40,925
Oh, Mac. You didn't have to.
142
00:09:43,671 --> 00:09:44,831
I mean that.
143
00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:47,633
Hey, how about a toast, huh?
Good idea, sir.
144
00:09:47,808 --> 00:09:50,777
Gotta have one, absolutely.
145
00:09:51,212 --> 00:09:53,203
Uh...
146
00:09:54,282 --> 00:09:55,613
Uh...
147
00:09:57,351 --> 00:09:59,046
To Dan.
148
00:09:59,754 --> 00:10:01,688
I'm overwhelmed.
149
00:10:09,931 --> 00:10:14,334
Oh, yeah, why spend extra
for the carbonated stuff, huh?
150
00:10:15,202 --> 00:10:16,965
Yoo-hoo!
151
00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:18,799
I got you a present too, Dan.
152
00:10:18,973 --> 00:10:23,535
Something wild and exciting.
An exotic dancer.
153
00:10:24,645 --> 00:10:29,344
She's from the Anything Goes agency,
no telling what to expect.
154
00:10:30,217 --> 00:10:31,684
Hi.
155
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,381
I'm Phyllis.
156
00:10:34,555 --> 00:10:36,648
And I'm here to...
157
00:10:38,726 --> 00:10:43,595
"Drive you into a frenzy
of uncontrollable desire."
158
00:10:44,432 --> 00:10:45,524
Who's Dan?
159
00:10:51,405 --> 00:10:53,839
This is from Bull.
160
00:10:59,714 --> 00:11:03,980
- So, Phyllis, is this your regular job?
- Part-time.
161
00:11:04,151 --> 00:11:08,588
I make a few extra bucks when
the kids are in school or at Scout meetings.
162
00:11:10,758 --> 00:11:13,249
Couldn't find any socks, huh?
163
00:11:15,563 --> 00:11:17,690
And no touching.
164
00:11:28,109 --> 00:11:31,078
Finish your celery, it's good for you.
165
00:11:33,047 --> 00:11:37,074
Well, I got some needlepoint
to catch up on, so...
166
00:11:37,251 --> 00:11:39,276
We're in this together.
167
00:11:39,453 --> 00:11:42,820
Shh. Now it gets really hot.
168
00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:53,498
- Dan Fielding?
Yeah?
169
00:11:53,668 --> 00:11:55,795
I'm Patty's father.
170
00:11:56,837 --> 00:11:59,499
Mr. Douglas, it's a pleasure
to meet you, sir. A pleasure.
171
00:12:00,007 --> 00:12:04,205
This is Harry and Mac and Bull.
172
00:12:05,146 --> 00:12:06,636
And my sister Phyllis.
173
00:12:06,814 --> 00:12:09,715
Hey, Phyllis, that's great, that's great.
174
00:12:09,884 --> 00:12:11,112
Okay, come on, come on.
175
00:12:11,285 --> 00:12:14,584
I think the guys at the VA
are gonna love that, all right?
176
00:12:14,755 --> 00:12:18,657
Now, listen, if you see Mom and Dad,
you tell them that I said hi, okay?
177
00:12:18,826 --> 00:12:19,850
And I love them.
178
00:12:20,027 --> 00:12:25,329
They tell me to expect this sort of thing
when men reach their sexual boiling point.
179
00:12:27,201 --> 00:12:31,262
- Who's your friend, Mr. Douglas?
- Biff, he carries my money when I work.
180
00:12:31,439 --> 00:12:34,033
And to think
I've been using a wallet all this time.
181
00:12:34,208 --> 00:12:37,109
All right, let's not waste time.
I've had you investigated.
182
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:40,304
I investigate every man
that wants my daughter, Patty.
183
00:12:40,481 --> 00:12:43,609
Of course, it's not something
I have to do very often.
184
00:12:44,418 --> 00:12:48,252
But of all the men I've investigated,
you are the bottom of the barrel.
185
00:12:49,056 --> 00:12:54,255
You are nothing but a low-level,
penniless government employee.
186
00:12:54,428 --> 00:12:58,023
And of course, there's that little matter
of the den mother in Buffalo.
187
00:12:58,499 --> 00:13:01,059
I was just showing her some knots,
I swear.
188
00:13:01,235 --> 00:13:04,693
Mr. Douglas, your daughter
is over 21 years of age.
189
00:13:04,872 --> 00:13:07,670
And if she wants to marry Dan Fielding...
190
00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,369
...it's probably legal.
191
00:13:12,213 --> 00:13:15,944
We're talking about my daughter,
my one and only child.
192
00:13:16,117 --> 00:13:18,085
The one who I love most in the world.
193
00:13:18,252 --> 00:13:21,551
- I'm going to marry her.
- She's a lump.
194
00:13:22,156 --> 00:13:26,354
Nevertheless, she's going to be my lump.
195
00:13:26,761 --> 00:13:28,854
I'll give you $20,000 to leave her alone.
196
00:13:34,368 --> 00:13:36,802
- How much?
- Thirty thousand.
197
00:13:36,971 --> 00:13:38,529
- I'm sorry, l...
- Forty thousand.
198
00:13:38,706 --> 00:13:41,641
- I beg your pardon...
- Fifty thousand, that's my final offer.
199
00:13:48,082 --> 00:13:50,175
Sir, I believe
you should leave the premises.
200
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,046
That is my final offer.
201
00:13:52,219 --> 00:13:55,677
- Close the briefcase, Biff.
- Just one more little peek.
202
00:13:57,158 --> 00:13:58,819
A man who can't be bought.
203
00:13:58,993 --> 00:14:01,655
Your kind makes me sick. Let's go, Biff.
204
00:14:02,396 --> 00:14:06,560
Oh. And if I find out you slept with her,
it is Soprano City.
205
00:14:09,503 --> 00:14:11,630
He means it too.
206
00:14:15,309 --> 00:14:20,576
I don't get it. Half a glass of champagne,
and we're all sick.
207
00:14:21,248 --> 00:14:25,116
That is the last time I drink anything...
208
00:14:25,286 --> 00:14:28,414
...with "made in Dubuque" on the label.
209
00:14:33,694 --> 00:14:37,460
Billie, please.
Have a little respect for the dead.
210
00:14:37,631 --> 00:14:40,225
I can't believe you went out
and celebrated this travesty.
211
00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:46,203
I don't know if "celebrated" actually
catches the true spirit of the evening.
212
00:14:46,373 --> 00:14:48,933
We drank some bad champagne.
213
00:14:49,109 --> 00:14:52,237
Patty's dad came by
and offered Dan $50,000...
214
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:54,574
...not to go through with the marriage.
215
00:14:54,748 --> 00:15:00,414
And the best we could do for entertainment
was the Beaver's mother in a halter top.
216
00:15:01,922 --> 00:15:04,152
Good little dancer, though.
217
00:15:05,893 --> 00:15:10,353
Dan was offered $50,000
to call the wedding off?
218
00:15:10,531 --> 00:15:12,658
Yeah, and he turned it down.
219
00:15:12,833 --> 00:15:14,460
He did?
220
00:15:14,969 --> 00:15:17,369
Well, wait a minute,
of course he turned it down.
221
00:15:17,538 --> 00:15:20,234
He's waiting for the big score.
The whole 40 million.
222
00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:21,834
That's not true.
223
00:15:23,944 --> 00:15:26,105
I'm sorry, Dan, but it is true.
224
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:29,181
You're marrying this girl for one reason.
You want the money.
225
00:15:29,717 --> 00:15:31,344
Is that what you think?
226
00:15:32,786 --> 00:15:34,253
Is that what you all think?
227
00:15:34,421 --> 00:15:35,945
- No way.
- No, of course not.
228
00:15:37,291 --> 00:15:39,259
- Well, yeah.
- Sort of.
229
00:15:40,895 --> 00:15:44,797
Okay, okay, I admit it,
that in the beginning it was the 40 million.
230
00:15:45,666 --> 00:15:48,260
But over the past two weeks,
something has happened.
231
00:15:48,936 --> 00:15:51,598
Interest has accumulated.
232
00:15:53,507 --> 00:15:55,975
Won't anyone around here
give me a break?
233
00:15:56,143 --> 00:15:58,407
Bail reports.
234
00:15:58,579 --> 00:16:02,948
One for Harry, one for Billie.
235
00:16:03,117 --> 00:16:06,450
And one for the sleaze puppy.
236
00:16:08,155 --> 00:16:10,817
Yeah, okay, okay, I get the picture.
237
00:16:11,392 --> 00:16:14,327
And I even understand
why you feel this way.
238
00:16:15,663 --> 00:16:17,824
I'm not saying there aren't differences.
239
00:16:17,998 --> 00:16:22,662
Socially, she's a little underprivileged.
240
00:16:23,904 --> 00:16:29,843
But when we're alone,
I feel good, very good.
241
00:16:31,178 --> 00:16:35,239
Relaxed, wanted and accepted.
242
00:16:36,917 --> 00:16:39,852
You know that crazy stuff
that we all carry around inside of us?
243
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:43,217
That stuff that eats holes in your brain
and churns at your insides?
244
00:16:43,390 --> 00:16:47,952
That stuff that you know you cannot
possibly tell another living human being?
245
00:16:49,029 --> 00:16:50,860
I can tell her.
246
00:16:51,365 --> 00:16:54,732
And she listens, and she understands.
247
00:16:56,136 --> 00:16:58,127
And she says it's all right.
248
00:17:00,007 --> 00:17:01,941
It's all right.
249
00:17:03,744 --> 00:17:04,972
And it is.
250
00:17:06,146 --> 00:17:09,741
Poof. Just like your magic, Harry,
she makes my problems disappear...
251
00:17:09,917 --> 00:17:13,978
...my anxieties subside. God's in his heaven,
all is right with the world.
252
00:17:14,154 --> 00:17:16,714
There's no way to go but up,
look for the silver lining.
253
00:17:16,890 --> 00:17:19,950
I'll be damned if that's not what
every one of us is looking for.
254
00:17:20,127 --> 00:17:23,528
And I just happened to find mine,
so the best of luck to the rest of you.
255
00:17:27,434 --> 00:17:30,699
Ladies and gentlemen,
a small peek into the guts of Dan Fielding.
256
00:17:30,871 --> 00:17:33,032
No cover, no minimum.
257
00:17:34,908 --> 00:17:36,842
I'm sorry, Dan. I feel like...
258
00:17:37,277 --> 00:17:39,040
Slug slime?
259
00:17:41,215 --> 00:17:45,481
Well, if you'll excuse me...
260
00:17:47,254 --> 00:17:50,189
...l'm going to have lunch
with my fianc�e.
261
00:17:59,333 --> 00:18:03,497
Wanna go first
or should we all jump together?
262
00:18:09,176 --> 00:18:11,474
- Hi.
- Sorry I'm late.
263
00:18:11,645 --> 00:18:15,911
That's all right. I have just been sitting here
giving thought to our honeymoon.
264
00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:18,381
Dan, we have to talk.
265
00:18:18,552 --> 00:18:21,248
Okay, you wanna pick the place
we go on the honeymoon.
266
00:18:21,422 --> 00:18:23,515
Since you're paying for it,
I guess it's fair.
267
00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:29,185
Dan, Daddy threatened to cut off my money
if I go ahead with this marriage.
268
00:18:29,363 --> 00:18:32,526
Cut it off? So you didn't tell him
we've been fooling around?
269
00:18:32,699 --> 00:18:34,257
Dan...
270
00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:38,329
He is absolutely serious.
271
00:18:38,505 --> 00:18:40,132
He would do that to keep us apart?
272
00:18:40,307 --> 00:18:42,639
He doesn't understand
that what we have together...
273
00:18:42,810 --> 00:18:45,779
...is too strong to be ruined
by something as base as money.
274
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:48,748
No, it isn't.
275
00:18:50,284 --> 00:18:51,342
I beg your pardon?
276
00:18:52,152 --> 00:18:56,282
Dan, I can't marry you.
277
00:18:57,124 --> 00:18:58,785
What? You're talking crazy.
278
00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:00,950
Are you hungry?
Come on, have some zucchini.
279
00:19:01,128 --> 00:19:03,528
Dan, can you imagine me
without money?
280
00:19:03,697 --> 00:19:06,257
Come on, I don't know
how to do anything.
281
00:19:07,701 --> 00:19:08,725
Like what?
282
00:19:09,937 --> 00:19:11,734
Live.
283
00:19:12,106 --> 00:19:16,133
I don't know how to organize
kitchen help.
284
00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:19,473
I don't know which fork to use
for the salad.
285
00:19:19,646 --> 00:19:23,138
I don't even know the difference
between whip and pur�e.
286
00:19:24,418 --> 00:19:26,318
One is a cooking term.
287
00:19:30,057 --> 00:19:33,857
Don't you understand?
I just can't make it.
288
00:19:34,461 --> 00:19:36,122
You can try.
289
00:19:36,763 --> 00:19:40,494
I did try once, and I almost died.
290
00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:44,034
- Died?
- Yeah.
291
00:19:44,771 --> 00:19:47,638
I got mad at Daddy
and ran away from home.
292
00:19:47,808 --> 00:19:50,106
- Did you have to live on the streets?
- No.
293
00:19:50,277 --> 00:19:53,337
Jenkins drove me to our condo
in the Hamptons.
294
00:19:54,781 --> 00:19:56,408
My God.
295
00:19:56,917 --> 00:19:59,249
And when I got there,
I didn't have any money.
296
00:19:59,419 --> 00:20:02,252
And all that was in the house
was canned food.
297
00:20:03,824 --> 00:20:07,988
And I didn't know how to work
the electric can opener.
298
00:20:09,163 --> 00:20:13,293
I mean, I know it sounds ridiculous,
but I could've starved.
299
00:20:14,234 --> 00:20:18,898
- You have me to open your cans now.
- Dan, you don't understand, I love you...
300
00:20:19,072 --> 00:20:21,404
...but I'm just too scared
to live without money.
301
00:20:21,575 --> 00:20:24,669
I can't do it, I never learned how.
302
00:20:27,548 --> 00:20:30,312
You are really terrified, aren't you?
303
00:20:33,487 --> 00:20:35,182
I'm seeing a shrink.
304
00:20:38,592 --> 00:20:43,086
Listen, maybe someday I'll...
305
00:20:44,097 --> 00:20:46,622
Learn how to use a can opener?
306
00:20:49,937 --> 00:20:51,336
Yeah.
307
00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:56,039
Goodbye, Dan.
308
00:20:56,944 --> 00:20:57,968
Patty...
309
00:21:04,918 --> 00:21:06,749
I'll get the tip.
310
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:10,484
I'll miss you.
311
00:21:26,106 --> 00:21:30,600
- Hey, Dan, how's it going?
- Oh, fine, fine, couldn't be better.
312
00:21:30,777 --> 00:21:33,143
Oh, did I mention the wedding's off?
313
00:21:33,914 --> 00:21:38,647
Her dad threatened to cut off her money
if she went through with the marriage.
314
00:21:38,952 --> 00:21:40,647
I told her we didn't need the money.
315
00:21:41,154 --> 00:21:42,951
And she called it off?
316
00:21:44,658 --> 00:21:49,220
Yeah. I finally found someone
weaker than me.
317
00:21:50,897 --> 00:21:52,831
Dan, I'm sorry.
318
00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:55,597
I know this isn't much consolation...
319
00:21:55,769 --> 00:22:00,866
...but you did have 14 wonderful days
with that girl.
320
00:22:01,041 --> 00:22:06,673
Which is roughly 13 more
than you've ever had with anyone else.
321
00:22:08,982 --> 00:22:13,146
Harry, as far as pep talks go,
that blows chunks.
322
00:22:15,889 --> 00:22:21,657
Hi, Dan, I haven't seen you for weeks.
You were supposed to call.
323
00:22:22,396 --> 00:22:25,229
- Sorry.
- You can make it up by taking me to lunch.
324
00:22:25,399 --> 00:22:28,368
No, no, no, I can't, I can't.
325
00:22:28,535 --> 00:22:31,402
I've just been through
a devastating emotional experience...
326
00:22:31,571 --> 00:22:36,565
...and I'm going to need a sufficient
amount of time to get back on my feet.
327
00:22:40,714 --> 00:22:42,614
So how about a late dinner?
328
00:22:49,956 --> 00:22:53,756
It's not like a close family member
died or anything.
329
00:22:53,927 --> 00:22:58,057
Sure, for that,
she'd have to wait until breakfast.
330
00:22:59,166 --> 00:23:03,899
Yeah, come on, Selma. Seeing somebody in
mourning really brings me down too.
331
00:23:13,580 --> 00:23:17,038
Harry...
It's all right.